Week 1 Wrapup

Summary

Welcome to the 2025 season, folks! And what a way to kick things off—some of you came out firing on all cylinders while others looked like they forgot football even existed. Let’s dive right in!

First up, Lee absolutely DEMOLISHED the competition with a jaw-dropping 143.56 points! That’s the kind of performance that makes you wonder if Lee’s got access to some secret fantasy football cheat codes the rest of us don’t know about. Poor Nick H put up a genuinely respectable 126.86—a score that would’ve won just about any other matchup this week—but instead he’s walking away with an L. That’s what we call being in the wrong place at the wrong time, like showing up to a pizza party after everyone already ate but you still gotta sit there and smell it.

Trevor came through with a solid beatdown of Brian, dropping 121.62 on him while Brian stumbled around with a pathetic 91.72. Brian, my guy, that’s the kind of score that makes your team name “Hugh’s Butt Dial” seem less like a joke and more like a documentary of your decision-making process. Maybe next time actually LOOK at your lineup before Sunday?

Now let’s talk about the luckiest man in fantasy football this week: Nick M, who somehow managed to beat Bill 88.98 to 81.64 in what can only be described as a race to see who could disappoint their mothers the least. Both of you put up scores lower than a limbo bar at a toddler’s birthday party, but Nick M—you backed into this win like a student driver parallel parking. Take it and run before someone asks questions!

Tyler squeaked past Chris 92.22 to 85.58 in another “who can suck less” matchup. Guys, these are Week 1 scores that scream “I forgot to check injury reports!” Chris, you’re now 0-1 and looking at Tyler’s victory celebration like he just won the Super Bowl when really he just won a participation trophy. And David handled Alan pretty handily with 117.8 to 91.32—nothing fancy, nothing spectacular, just a solid W to start the season.

So here we are, Week 1 in the books! Lee’s sitting pretty at the top looking like a champion, while Bill is down in the basement wondering if fantasy football is even worth the heartache. Welcome to the season, boys—it’s gonna be a long ride for some of you! - Fake Commish

Weekly Awards

Big Dick Award (Most Total Points) $$

Lee 143.56

Little Bitch Award (Fewest Total Points)

Bill 81.64

Matchups Overview

Best and Worst for the Week

Best and Worst Positions for the Week