Week 3 Wrapup

Summary

Well folks, Week 3 brought us some redemption stories, some continued struggles, and one guy who just can’t catch a break no matter what he does. Let’s break it down!

Bill FINALLY showed up this week with a commanding 123.62 points, absolutely steamrolling poor Chris who put up yet another dismal 88.64. Chris, buddy, you’re now 0-3 and it’s starting to look less like bad luck and more like a pattern. That’s three weeks in a row of bottom-feeder performances—at this point you’re not rebuilding, you’re just building a monument to mediocrity. Bill’s probably doing victory laps around his living room while Chris is questioning every life decision that led him to this moment.

Brian came through with a solid 119.98, dismantling Nick M’s 99.42 and proving that Nick M’s Week 1 lucky win was about as sustainable as a chocolate teapot. Nick M, you went from hero to zero faster than a ice cream cone in July. Meanwhile, Nick H barely—and I mean BARELY—snuck past Alan 110.52 to 108.82. Alan, my condolences, because you put up an above-average score and still walked away with an L. That’s fantasy football at its cruelest, like studying for a test, getting a B+, and still somehow failing the class.

Lee handled Tyler in a matchup of two teams trying their best to be average. Lee’s 110.82 beat Tyler’s 107.26, and honestly neither of you should be bragging about these performances. This was like watching two people argue about who’s taller when they’re both 5’9”. Sure, somebody won, but was anyone really impressed?

And then we have David, who somehow—SOMEHOW—managed to squeak out a win over Trevor 100.96 to 97.92 despite both of them playing like they forgot it was Sunday. David, you got the luckiest win of the week with a below-average performance that would’ve lost to literally everyone else. You’re like the guy who shows up late to the poker game, plays one hand, wins with a pair of twos, and leaves before anyone can question it. Take your W and don’t look back!

So Bill gets the crown this week for actually remembering how to play fantasy football, while Chris continues his descent into the abyss. Week 3—done and dusted! - Fake Commish

Weekly Awards

Big Dick Award (Most Total Points) $$

Bill 123.62

Little Bitch Award (Fewest Total Points)

Chris 88.64

Matchups Overview

Best and Worst for the Week

Best and Worst Positions for the Week