Week 5 Wrapup

Summary

Well well well, what do we have here? Brian came out swinging this week with an absolute MONSTER performance—158.12 points! That’s the kind of score that makes grown men weep and reconsider their life choices. Poor Chris put up a genuinely solid 133.16, which would’ve won in probably any other matchup this week, but instead he’s walking away with another L like a guy who keeps buying lottery tickets with last week’s numbers. Chris, buddy, at this point the universe is just messing with you—you’re like Charlie Brown trying to kick that football, except Lucy is fantasy football and she’s never gonna let you have this one.

Tyler, oh Tyler—what happened to you, man? After dropping 172 points last week like you were some kind of fantasy deity, you come back with a pathetic 87.0? That’s not a regression, that’s a full-on COLLAPSE! It’s like watching a fireworks finale followed immediately by a wet sparkler that won’t even light. Nick H took advantage with 110.08, which isn’t exactly impressive, but when your opponent forgets how to play football, you’ll take the W however it comes.

Speaking of lucky wins, Nick M squeaked past David 111.64 to 94.32 with a below-average performance that screams “I’ll take it!” Nick M is becoming the king of backing into victories—at this rate, he’s gonna trip over a championship trophy by Week 13. Lee continued his solid season by beating Bill 122.22 to 114.3, proving that consistency beats flash every single time. Lee’s like that reliable sedan that just keeps running while everyone else is out here buying sports cars that break down every other week.

And finally, Alan got himself a W over Trevor 118.92 to 106.82 in a matchup that had all the excitement of watching paint dry in slow motion. Both of you showed up, neither of you impressed anyone, but hey—at least Alan remembered to set his lineup, which is apparently more than we can say for half this league on any given Sunday!

So let’s hear it for Brian, who reminded us all what excellence looks like! And to Chris—hang in there, buddy. Your time will come. Probably. Maybe. Actually, who are we kidding? The fantasy gods clearly have it out for you! - Fake Commish

Weekly Awards

Big Dick Award (Most Total Points) $$

Brian 158.12

Little Bitch Award (Fewest Total Points)

Tyler 87.0

Matchups Overview

Best and Worst for the Week

Best and Worst Positions for the Week