Week 4 Wrapup

Summary

Week 4 is done, and the league’s early pretenders just got separated from the contenders in the ugliest way possible. Let’s rip into it.

Pledgecobar Suffocates Let ‘Em Breathe

Nick H put a boot on Lee’s throat, 135.52 to 90.7, and Tetairoa McMillan was the one doing the stomping - 40.2 points on a 14.05 projection, the kind of outing that makes you wonder if McMillan found Lee’s home address personally. Lee, meanwhile, got absolutely nothing from Cam Skattebo (7.1 on a 15-point projection) while RJ Harvey sat on the bench scoring more than double that. You’ve got a 1-3 record and a bench that’s actively laughing at your starting lineup, Lee. Even Nick H, who won by 45 points, somehow managed to bench a guy (Emanuel Wilson, 24.5) who outscored his starter (Bucky Irving, 6.1) by eighteen points - when you’re winning by 45 and still embarrassing yourself with a roster decision, that’s a special kind of talent.

The Blounts Take Alan’s Job Back

Chris beat Alan 116.28 to 91.36 behind a legit Zay Flowers breakout (23.8 points), moving to 3-1 and looking like he’s finally figured out this is a skill-based game. Alan’s night was a disaster in every direction: Parker Washington face-planted with 1.62 points on a 14-point projection, and Alan compounded it by leaving Carnell Tate’s 19 points rotting on the bench behind him. Alan, you’re 1-3 now, and between this and your Harold Fannin fiasco a couple weeks back, you might be the worst in-season manager in this entire league - and that’s a competitive field.

The Mayor Gets Recalled

This was an ugly, low-scoring slugfest that Nick M survived 87.12 to 76.88, and somehow it’s Nick M who should be furious: he started Jalen Coker, who scored a flat zero, while Nico Collins sat on his bench with 29.3 points. Up nearly 30 points of margin for error on the bench and Nick M still almost blew it against the worst team on the board this week. Bill, for his part, got nothing going at all - Jahmyr Gibbs no-showed with 14.7 on a 24-point projection, and when your best player of the week is a tight end putting up 17.6, you already know it wasn’t your week. Bill’s now 2-2 and fading fast.

Butt Dial Finally Connects

After getting burned by his own bench two weeks running, Brian actually got it right this time, beating David 133.78 to 104.36 behind Kenneth Walker III going off for 30.4 points. He still left Malik Nabers’ 22.2 points sitting on the bench behind a dead Ja’Marr Chase (4.2), but when you win by 30, nobody’s checking your math. David got a great individual game from Bryce Young (28.06) and it still wasn’t close - Garrett Wilson no-showed (4.2 on a 13.8 projection) and David drops to 1-3, quietly becoming this league’s answer to a rebuilding franchise that forgot to rebuild.

Freshwater Floods Dixie Normous

Tyler handled Trevor comfortably, 146.84 to 126.02, behind a monster Bijan Robinson game (36.2 points) that’s got him at 3-1 and looking like a real problem. The scoreboard wasn’t close, but Trevor’s bench should still make him sick: he started D’Andre Swift, who managed 6.4 points, while Kyle Monangai sat there scoring 27.5. Swap those two and that entire 20-point margin disappears - Trevor wins by 0.28. Trevor, that’s twice already this season your bench has quietly cost you points while you won anyway (ask Christian Watson) - this week the math says it would’ve turned a blowout loss into a win, and you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.

Four weeks in, and we’ve got a three-way tie at the top - Nick H, Chris, and Tyler all sitting at 3-1 - and a three-way pileup at the bottom, with Alan, David, and Lee all 1-3 and already playing for draft position. Fix your benches, people. See you next week. - Fake Commish

Weekly Awards

Big Dick Award (Most Total Points) $$

Tyler 146.84

Little Bitch Award (Fewest Total Points)

Bill 76.88

Matchups Overview

Best and Worst for the Week

Best and Worst Positions for the Week